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The Jet-Wing/Transcript
This is a complete transcript of the episode The Jet-Wing. Transcript Donald: (Gets little shock from invention) Great! Everything in the lab is officially useless, and I don't have enough money to repair it. Leo: I know my mom didn't marry you for your money, but I haven't been putting with your antics for nothing. Bree: (Walks over and sits down) Mr. Davenport, take your time with the lab. I don't mind staying up here. Of course, it won't make up for living in a basement for sixteen years, but it's a start. Donald: We don't have time. Your capsules have regenerative capabilities. They're crucial to your bionic infrastructures. Adam: Huh? Chase: Let me help you. Capsule, good! Bree: But I haven't been in my capsule all week and I feel fine Donald: Well, it's only a matter of time before your bionics go haywire Adam: Do you know when exactly? Because I have a haircut on Tuesday and if I glitch in the chair, I'm just gonna end up like that trainwreck. (Gestures to Chase) Chase: I get it! I'm short, I look like a lady golfer, and I have a terrible haircut! What else you got? Adam: How long do you have? Donald: Look, the longer you go without your capsules, the more likely you'll glitch, so don't use your bionics until I can get enough money to rebuild the lab. Adam: Uh oh, I feel a glitch coming on! (Punches Chase's arm) Chase: Ow! You know what? I feel one coming on too! (Pushes Adam off the stool) Adam: Hey, it's not funny when you hurt me. It's just rude. (Walks out of room) (Intro plays) Donald: Okay everybody, family meeting time. (Adam raises hand) Donald: Adam, you don't have to raise to hand to speak, just talk. Adam: Oh, I've got nothing to say, I'm just airing out my pits. Donald: The reason I called this family meeting is because we have to make some cutbacks in the family budget, starting with losing our cellphones. (Everyone gasps) Bree: Did you not hear me?! I just moved out of of basement! I need this phone! Adam: I don't get it. Why is this happening? Chase: Phone gone! We poor now! Leo: Guys, stop complaining. This is what you do for family. You make sacrifices. Donald: This goes for you too. Leo: I barely know you people! I'm keeping my phone. Tasha: Don't worry, Donald and I will be giving up our phones, too. Donald: Well, you will. Look, the sooner we get money, the sooner we can get back to our regular lives. We need cash. Ideas. Tasha: Ooh, I can make some desserts, and we can have a bake sale. Donald: Great, that'll buy us a lamp. Leo: Hey, why don't you do a stunt like that guy on TV? You know, the one who made a whole bunch of money for walking on a tightrope across the grand canyon. Adam: Oh, I see where you're goin' with this. We find that guy and rob him. Leo: Or... Big D can do a similar stunt. Adam: We can't rob Mr. Davenport. He's broke. Were you not listening? Donald: That kind of stunt could attract a huge sponsor that would have enough money for us to build a new lab. That's a great idea, Leo. Leo: Just give me my cut when you get your money. Donald: You know what? I've been working on a prototype fiberglass jet wing that uses two micro-jet engines to allow a human being to fly like an airplane. Check it out. (Shows design on tablet) This is it. I, Donald Davenport, will attempt the first ever jet wing flight over Mission Creek. Tasha: Oh, no. I'm not letting my husband do something that dangerous– Donald: You could host the exclusive pay-per-view Webcast. Tasha: Up, up and away. Donald: All right! Chase: Are you sure about this? That thing hasn't even been tested. Donald: I can't let my family suffer anymore. Bree: Then skip the jet wing and give us our phones back. Donald: Look, we need to find sponsors quickly, though. Leo: I'm on it. (Stands up) You're looking at the top donation collector for the school's "Save the Gym" campaign. Four dollars and 16 cents. Donald: Okay. Leo, you can hunt for sponsors. Adam: Yeah, we're gettin' our lab back! No, you guys, again, just airin' them out. . . . (At school) (Adam and Bree enter gym) Perry: Oh, goody, dirk and widget are here. Bree: Um, what do you need us for on a Saturday that can't be done on a regular school day? Perry: I need you to be my bionic servants. Bree: Oh, good. For a second there, I thought this was gonna be a waste of our time. Perry: Hey, if daddy no-bucks can't pay me to keep your bionic secret, I'm gettin' my money's worth out of you two. Bree: Look, we're supposed to go watch our dad perform this big jet wing stunt today. He's been preparing for it all week. Perry: Aw, I'm sowwy. Bree: This isn't fair. Perry: Well, neither is paying for 12 doughnuts when you've only sucked the jelly out of one of 'em. Adam: Don't you have janitors to do this stuff for you? Perry: Yeah, but they're at my house trying to make something look like an accident. So I'm gonna have you two do their work for them. Bree: That's illegal. Perry: So is being a robot. Bree: We are not robots. We are bionic. Perry: That's exactly what a robot would say. Anyway, the gym is trashed after last night's basketball game, and my midnight "book club". So I'm gonna need you two to clean it up before school on Monday morning. Speed feet, you're on trash duty. (Hands Bree trash bag) Lurch, come with me. There's something under the bleachers I need dug up and reburied. Come on, boy. Come on, come on. . . . (At jet-wing launch site) Donald: I still can't believe you only landed one sponsor, Leo. Leo: You're lucky I got one. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a sponsor for an old guy who thinks he can fly? Donald: The best you could do was Go-Go Global Pack and Ship? Yep. Leo: Now you only get paid if you survive. But if you don't, they'll ship your remains to your home state for free. Alaska and Hawaii not included. You're also contractually obligated to say "Go-Go Global Pack and Ship" throughout your flight. Chase: That's gonna be hard for him. He's not used to promoting anything but himself. Leo: All right, two minutes to launch. (Donald looks scared) Leo: Big D, are you okay? You look a little nervous. Donald: I'm not sure I can do this, Leo. Leo: Of course you can. You're Donald Davenport, and the Donald Davenport I know doesn't let anything get in the way of protecting his family. Donald: You're right, Leo. I'm doing this for my family. I got this. (Tasha comes over) Tasha: Okay, guys, we're about to start the webcast. Tasha Davenport presents "Look Out Below: A Jet-Wing Catastrophe". Donald: Oh, for– Tasha: It's just for ratings. Chase: Your helmet-cam is up and running. I'll man mission control, and cue you when it's time to release your parachute for the landing. Donald: Okay. Leo: Ready to roll, Big D? Donald: I can do this. I can do this. (Puts on helmet) Tasha: The world waits with bated breath, as Donald Davenport, husband of witty, yet personable reporter Tasha Davenport, prepares to launch for the first ever jet-wing flight across Mission Creek. Donald: Before I launch, I would like to take a moment, maybe longer, and, uh, thank everybody for coming out today. It really means a lot, and I see a lot of familiar faces in the crowd. And since I have time, I would like to mention you all by name. Chase: Why is he stalling? Leo: Doesn't really matter to me. I have the launch button. Donald: Cynthia Forrester. Wow! How are the kids? (Donald is launched into the air) . . . (At school) (Adam and Bree come out of gym) Bree: Okay, how many pounds of gum can one school possibly chew? Adam: It's Saturday. I'm not doing math. (Adam's arms starts twitching) Bree: Adam, what's wrong with your arm? Adamm: Eh, it's probably just a twitch. I use my right arm a lot. It's my second-favorite. (Plasma grenade comes out and destroys water fountain) Bree: See, this is what Mr. Davenport was talking about. You've been using your bionics too much. and now you're starting to glitch. Adam: I'll be fine. Let's get out of here and go watch Mr. Davenport's flight. (Perry comes out of her office) Perry: Nice work, you two. And thanks for taking that water fountain out. I've been meaning to get a coin operated one before the next heat wave. Bree: Great. See you Monday. Perry: Freeze! You two haven't gotten to my personal to-do list. Bree: Personal? Principal Perry, we've been using our bionics a lot today, and Mr. Davenport warned us– Perry: Not my problem, pinky man boots. Now, use your super speed to go get me some fresh guacamole from Mexico. (Bree speeds out and back in within seconds) Bree: Here you go. Perry: "Hecho en Mexico." Just wanted to make sure you went the distance. Cilantro?! I hate cilantro. Take it back. Andale, andale! Bree: You keep it. (Glitches and runs into locker) Okay, either I just glitched, or these lockers are out to get me. Perry: All right, fire face. Years of using public showers have left me with with some fairly persistent toenail fungus. Light up that laser vision and burn it off. Adam: Aren't you afraid I might burn off a toe? Perry: Nah. I'm more worried about separating the fungus from the shoe. . . . (Davenport flying in the air) Donald: Whoo! Leo': You doin' all right up there, Big D? Donald: Yeah, I don't know what I was worried about. This is awesome. But not as awesome as the low, low prices at Go-Go Global Pack and Ship. Chase: We are gonna make a fortune. Tons of people are tunin into the live Webcast. Donald: Of course they are. I'm amazing. But not as amazing as shipping your valuables with Go-Go Global Pack and Ship. All right, enough coasting. It's time for some extreme free styling. All right, world, let's slather up this stunt with some Davenport butter. Chase: Mr. Davenport, I wouldn't– Donald: Whoa, turbulence! (Alarm beeping) What was that? Chase: That was your parachute. Donald: Aah! Chase: Not to worry. You'll be fine for the moment. You'll just continue at jet speed until your wings run out of jet fuel. Leo: (Covers microphone) What happens then? Chase: Then he'll crash. Donald: Oh, no. I'm gonna fall. Faster than the prices at Go-Go Global Pack and Ship. . . . Tasha: Famed reporter Tasha Davenport here, bringing you one of the most tense moments in television history. A live jet wing crash! We have exclusive access to mission headquarters, where I'm sure they have everything under control. Chase: We're, uh... We're mulling our options. Tasha: Mulling your options? That is my husband up there. Donald: Hello. Somebody needs to come up with a solution fast. There is jet fuel leaking inside my flight suit. Nope, not jet fuel. Leo: This is all my fault. I had the idea of sending him up there. Chase: No argument here. Mr. Davenport, we're just gonna have to use our bionic– (Looks up at camera) Hi. Leo: Chase, you can't show the world your bion– (Looks at camera) –Hi! Donald: Stop saying bion-a-hi, call Adam and Bree, and get me out of the sky! Leo: Well, we'd love to, but someone took away our cell phone service. Donald: Really? Guilt? Now? Leo: I'll run to school and get Adam and Bree. Keep his hopes up. (Runs away) Donald: So... Whatcha gonna do tomorrow if you make it? . . . (At school) (Perry comes out of room screaming) Perry: Get away from me, freak. He keeps firing his lasers. He's aiming for my beauty cyst. Bree: Principal Perry, calm down. He's not attacking you. (Adam fires laser) Bree: Okay, he's attacking you. (Leo runs in) Perry: Ah, Dooley, help. (Uses him as shield) The machines are turning against us. We've gotta get my cats, and make for my bunker in Sacramento. Leo: Adam, what is going on? Adam: We've been using our bionics for Perry all day and now we're glitching. Bree: I am starting to think that Mr. Davenport was right about our capsules. Leo: Okay, okay, okay. Everybody focus. There's an emergency. Big D needs you. Perry: Ooh, that's good. Use him as bait so us humans can get away. Leo: They're not machines. And Davenport needs their help, or he's a goner. Perry: What? No, he can't be a goner. Don's my cash cow, and I'm not done milking him yet. We gotta get there fast. Saddle up, bessie. (Tries climbking on Bree's back) Bree: You know what? What do you say we all just run? (They all run out of the school) . . . Leo: Okay, Okay, we've got some serious problems. Adam's heat vision's glitching out, Bree's bouncing off the walls, and I saw Principal Perry's bare feet. And can I just say–? (Screams) Chase: What's on his face? Adam: It's a hubcap. It's the only thing I could find that would shield my heat vision. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Donald: Chase, I can't keep circling above you. I'm almost out of fuel. What's the plan? Chase: I'm working on it. (Covers microphone) I've run through every possible scenario, and they all end with the Donald Davenport memorial bridge. Leo: Well, we can't just let him fall. Use your magnetism app. Chase: I can't. The jet-wing is made out of fiberglass, not metal. Leo: Well, We have to do something. The whole reason he did this ridiculous stunt was to get the lab back for you guys. Bree: Leo's right. Mr. Davenport put his life on the line for us. Adam: Yeah. Plus, he's our dad. Wait, technically, he's not our dad. Why are we here again? Leo: You guys are gonna have to use your bionics, but not with all these people around. Okay, attention. I'm gonna need everyone to clear this space out immediately. There are free snacks inside. (Crowd runs) Adam: Hey, guys, good news. If he does crash, we've got this adorable little tote bag we can collect his pieces with. Leo: Adam, where'd you get that? Adam: I found it on the side of the road next to the hub cap. Chase: Adam, that's not a tote bag. That's the parachute that fell from Mr. Davenport's jet-wing. (Grabs parachute) We gotta find a way to get this to him. Adam: Why don't we just give it to him when he lands? Leo: Hey, what if Adam uses his strength to launch it back up to him? Chase: Yes. I'll calculate the coordinates, and guide his throw. Here. (Puts parachute in Adam's hand) All right, Mr. Davenport, be on the lookout. I'm sending up your parachute. Donald: Copy that. I'm ready. Chase: All right, here we go. Three, two, one. (Adam throws parachute) Chase: Adam, great job. It's heading straight for him. Adam: Cool, let me see! (Lifts hub cap on his face up and accidentally slices part of Donald's jet wing with his heat vision and Donald screams) Whoops. I think I'm just gonna pull this back down. (Pulls hub cab back down) (Davenport screaming) Chase: Relax, Mr. Davenport, I have a plan. Donald: If your plan was to be fatherless, it's working! (Tasha walks over) Tasha: Why aren't you saving him? Can't any of you fly? What do you do in that basement all day? (Perry runs up huffing and puffing) Perry: Thanks for leaving me behind. Why'd you use your super speed? Bree: I didn't. Chase: I can try to use my molecular kinesis to slow his descent, but he's still gonna hit too hard. Leo: Wait, we are in the parking lot of a shipping store. We can use cardboard boxes to break his fall. Adam: And tape... to put him back together. Perry: You heard him. Let's go. Donald: Guys, I'm out of fuel. I'm trying not to use my scared voice, (High-pitched voice) but it's slipping out. Chase: Mr. Davenport, I'm slowing you down and they're building a crash pad. Try to aim for it. Donald: It's working. I'm slowing down. I'll release the jet-wing so it won't crush me on impact. Bree: All right, we're good to go. Boxes are set up as a crash pad. Oh, no. I feel a glitch coming on. Leo: Got it. Bree: Oh! Adam: I bet she looks stupid. Leo: Chase, what's wrong? Chase: I think my bionics are glitching, too. Donald: (Screaming) What's happening? I'm free-falling again! Five hundred feet! Four hundred feet! Leo: Do something! Donald: It's working. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna live. (Screaming) I'm falling again, I'm not gonna make it. My life is over! What? No, I'm fine. I'm okay, I'm– Nope, I'm a goner! (Screaming) Perry: Aim for the boxes, money bags. Donald: One hundred feet! (Screaming) Chase: I can't control him anymore. (Collapses) (Donald screaming and Perry screaming. He lands on Perry) Tasha: I think we've learned something today. Nobody covers a story like Tasha Davenport. Perry: Is he dead? Chase: No. Perry: Am I dead? Leo: Unclear, but just to be safe, we should probably proceed with a burial. . . . (At home) (Leo and Tasha help an injured Donald into the living room) Donald: I can't believe the media is hailing Principal Perry as a hero just for breaking my fall. (Tablet shows "Local Principal is Hero at Jet-Wing Stunt Disaster!") Leo: The real heroes are the nurses who made that body cast. Tasha: I'm just happy you're okay. Donald: I'm really proud of you, Leo. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't have gone through with that stunt. Ah, it was nothin', Big D. But words are cheap, and I still want my cut. Donald: Look, the good news is, we raised enough money to build a new lab, and Adam, Bree and Chase will be back in their capsules in no time. Leo: Yeah. The sooner, the better. (Adam, Bree and Chase are all glitching. Chase has utensils on his face, Adam has the hub cap on, and Bree's in a box, running) Category:2014 Category:Season 3 Category:Season 3 Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Unfinished Transcripts Category:Episodes with the Original Lab Category:Season 3 Episodes